Why do I always do to this to myself?

I popped a piece of salty popcorn into my mouth and glanced over at Daddy. He watched the screen intently as his lips closed around a chilled bottle of beer. I should have been watching the movie too, but it was impossible not to imagine his mouth doing other things, things I had no right to think about.

Scary movies were his favorite, not mine. He’d watch a new one almost every night before going to bed. Slashers, monsters, psychos, all of them. Not that he was scary, like at all. He was the nicest guy I knew.

He wasn’t really my dad actually, but he’d lived with us long enough that I had a hard time thinking of him as anything else. It’d been, what, five, six years now? Long enough for one hell of a crush to develop.

It was horrible, since I couldn’t do anything about it. I refused to date anyone all through high school, since they weren’t him. He was my stepfather, so it wasn’t like I could ask him out. So here I was, eighteen and still a virgin, knowing I was off to college in the fall, and with no idea what to do with myself. Or us.

I hated horror movies, but I loved him, which is why night after night, I’d sit through his creepy movies. I loved how they gave me an excuse to cuddle up with him during the scary scenes, which as far as I was concerned, was most of them.

It was kinda embarrassing, really, how much the movies freaked me out. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. It’s not like I didn’t know it was all make believe. Even still, there was always that part in my brain, where the most basic instincts hid, that I couldn’t control.

Tonight’s movie was as terrifying as the rest. As usual, some young girl was all alone in the dark, exploring some old house while her friends were exploring other parts of it. Sounds like Scooby Doo, right? Only Scooby Doo never had a crazed slasher hiding the darkness whose idea of a good time was to cut you open and... well, stuff I don’t even want to think about.

Weird noises and creepy music built up as she approached a curtain. All I could think was, “Don’t pull it, don’t pull it!” Of course she did, and there was nothing there. There never is, but I knew the real scream was just around the corner. She turned and there he was, just as lightning flashed outside.

That was it. I screamed loud enough that I startled Dad, then scrambled across the couch in a panic to cling to him like plastic wrap, my eyes shut tight. I whimpered, but when I’m terrified, I’m not proud.

I wrapped my arms around his broad torso as far as I could, and pressed my face against his hard chest, holding on to him for dear life. “Hold me.” Not a request, that was a demand.

He chuckled, a sound that rumbled in my ear. “Why do you watch these movies when they freak you out so much?” He put his arms around me and held me tight, and that was why I watched, even if I couldn’t tell him. I loved his warmth, the feeling of him next to me. His pajamas were soft and loose enough that I could feel every contour of his hard body, even if there were some spots I didn’t dare touch.

Could he feel me the same way? I’d taken to wearing only a t-shirt and panties in the evenings, hoping to entice him. I knew I shouldn’t, that I should just forget about it, but I found myself doing it anyway. He noticed. The way his gaze followed me when he thought I wasn’t looking made that obvious, but he was too decent of a guy to ever make a move. At least I imagined that was what held him back. Maybe he just disapproved.

His hands were always properly placed, around my waist or on my arms, kept well away from the spots I really wanted them, like sliding up to cup my breasts, or down to the curve of my ass. Hell, he could drive his hand right into my panties and I would totally let him. Of course, he never did.

I liked to check out his bulge. With my head against his chest, I could look right down at it without it being obvious, and I did. Even the loose pants couldn’t fully hide what was under there, and sometimes, when I rubbed my breasts against him, or shifted my thigh so it went over his leg, I saw it grow. Not a lot, but the fabric lifted just a little as he firmed up, thickened.

Whenever that happened, I licked my lips and wondered what it’d feel like in my mouth, or my pussy.

I was always wet when we cuddled. My body knew what I wanted as much as I did, and I wanted him so badly. I’d stopped caring how wrong it was a long time ago, but there was no way he’d ever cross the line. Even now, wrapped around him, clutching his shirt, his hand only settled on my back and held me close. I sighed.

The movie ended just before midnight. Dad peeled me gently off him, stood and yawned with a stretch. “Man, I’m knackered. I’m heading to bed. You coming?” He extended his hand.

I wanted to believe he was asking me to join him, but I knew better. Mom was on another of her business trips. We hardly saw her anymore, it felt like. I suspected that all was not well with their relationship, but they didn’t like sharing that stuff with me. She was away more and more, which left him sleeping alone more often than not. Didn’t mean I had an open invitation, though.

Besides, he was right. I was tired too. Nodding while I yawned, I let him pull me to my feet before I shuffled up the stairs, making sure to go first. He might not act on it, but I’d still make sure he got to watch my panty-clad ass wiggle in front of him on the way up. Maybe one day, he’d grab it, take me right there on the stairs.

I sighed. Yeah, right.

“Night, Princess.” He padded to his bedroom, letting me admire his broad back and tight ass.

“G’night, Daddy.”

Fuck, I felt like a little kid. Sleep wouldn’t come, and I lay there in the dark, exploring the shadows of my room with my eyes. Those movies just weren’t good for me. Everything looked like something scary, and for some reason I could never remember what was where in my room, so my mind went wild inventing new and horrible things for what each unknown dark outline might be.

Screw this. I’d get something to drink, clear my mind, maybe turn on something safe and boring on TV. Like the home shopping network or the weather channel. No wait, storms were too scary. Throwing my comforter aside, I got up and out of my creepy room, closing the door behind me. Out of sight, out of mind.

At the top of the stairs, I stopped. The door to Daddy’s room was partially open, and I could hear his quiet snores. The movies never bothered him, of course.

My feet moved as if on their own, walking me to his room rather than downstairs. Maybe he’d let me cuddle. I could slip in without him waking up, even. He was probably lonely anyway, right? My brain kept rationalizing until I was inside.

Moonlight spilled in through the windows and across the bed. He was on his back, barechested and a hand resting on his stomach. I didn’t realize he didn’t sleep with his shirt on. My eyes went wide. Did he take off his pants too? Was he naked under there? Okay, that got me wet.

I walked closer, watching him, admiring him. Even asleep, his square jaw was firm, determined. His full lips were slightly parted, just begging for me to kiss them. His hair was cut pretty short, but what was there stuck out in all directions. I stifled a giggle. It was cute, and didn’t make him any less handsome.

His other arm lay straight out across the empty side of the bed, as if begging for someone to rest their head on it, and I fully intended to. Crawling carefully onto the bed so I wouldn’t disturb him, I slid in under the covers.

When my bare thigh touched his, I jumped, realizing he was naked.

Oh. My. God. I wanted to lift the covers to peek, or even sneak my hand over there and touch him. I could pretend to be asleep, and it was just an accident. He’d never know. I didn’t get further than that thought, though, because that was when he woke up.

“Huh? Wha... Megan?” He blinked, as if trying to decide if he was dreaming or not. “What are you doing here?”

“I uh... I couldn’t sleep.” That sounded lame, even to me. “God, it’s so embarrassing. I know I’m too big for this. I just wanted a cuddle.”

He blinked again, slowly, as if he had to force his eyes open. “Baby.

Princess. You’re eighteen. It was only a movie. Go back to bed.”

My heart sank. What had I expected? That he’d take me in his arms and have his way with me?

“Daddy, please? It really freaked me out. I’ve been trying to sleep for an hour now. I can’t even close my eyes.”

He sighed. “Listen, I get it. But we can’t do this. What if your mom found out you slept here, huh? She’d kill me and ground you for life.”

“Who’d tell her? I won’t. Would you?” I put on my most innocent little face, looking up at him with big sad eyes. “Pleeease?” I moved closer. “I’ll make it worth your while.” Wait, fuck! Where did that come from? Oh God.

He blinked. “You’ll what?”

“No, nevermind. That came out all wrong.”

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. I was in for it now. “You’re not just here for the cuddles, are you?”

“I love you?” I was about to be sent back to my room, and I bet there’d be therapy sessions waiting for me in the morning. Why did I say that?

“Princess, I love you too, but that sort of talk... do you know what would happen if anyone found out?” That was actually better than I’d expected, and when I felt his hand come to rest on my thigh, a hell of a lot better.

I was dreaming. I had to be. “But... I’d never tell anyone. And you wouldn’t either... right?” My voice was hopeful, terrified that I wasn’t misunderstanding.

His hand slid along my thigh, toward the curve of my ass. “Right.

Because this would be wrong. Stepfathers and daughters don’t do that sort of thing.” He stopped his hand, putting the ball in my court.

Reaching out carefully, slowly, until my hand touched his chest, I slid it slowly down towards his tight abs, his curly chest hair tickling my palm. I knew it was salt and peppery in color, though you couldn’t tell in the soft moonlight. “Or at least... they don’t talk about it. But... but maybe some do anyway. It’s not like they’re actually related, are they?”

Moving again, he reached my ass and cupped a cheek, his hand warm even through my panties. “No, Princess, no, they’re not.” He pulled me closer, his other hand coming up and touching my chin, lifting my face to meet his.

His lips were soft, burning hot. I opened for him and let his experience guide me. His touch sent shivers racing down from between my shoulder blades and right to the small of my back, raising goosebumps everywhere. As his tongue chased mine, I melted into him, suddenly understanding that this was real, that this was going to happen.